In the book I'm currently reading the author discusses a song by Billy Joel. The song, "Just The Way You Are," is about Billy's wife. He says "Don't go a changing" just to basically impress him or what not.
This is interesting to me because I have changed myself in some way for every relationship I've been in, and I believe most people in some fashion or another do the same.
Change can be both negative and positive, and both occur. People become chameleons in relationships. Everybody says you "change" around your significant other and this varies in degree.
My last "relationship" with whom we'll call "Mountain Man," as my friends back home nick named him, I certainly did both.
Negatively, I changed my sexual behavior. I had my reasons, and a lot had to do with thinking that was what Mountain Man wanted. I have no idea if that is how he liked his women, but either way I was always unsure, and thus uncomfortable, and that sucked.
Positively, I picked up one of his interests. This is probably the most common "change" that occurs, in my opinion. In the beginning we all want the other person to think that we are interesting, or want to hang out with us, and we might do that by pretending to like one of their hobbies.
So, two weeks into hanging out Mountain Man asked me to see a snowboarding/skiing documentary flick. I gladly accepted even though I knew and cared little about either because I was just excited to be invited along. And eat sandwiches. Yum.
To help matters, I actually had a snowboard. I'd used it twice prior, over a period of a number of years, fallen on my ass a ton and hated it. I brought it with me to Colorado because I still thought the sport was cool, despite the fact that I hate all things snowy, cold, and involve things like falling on my ass over and over.
He loves snowboarding, so I went out on my own and tried to learn how to use the damn thing. The first two times out, I fell on my ass, on my head- top, back, face- you name it I fell on it. It sucked and I probably would have stopped there if I hadn't felt the need to impress.
Two more tries later, I was actually getting good at the thing, and began liking it. I didn't even mind the cold or the snow. Dating him was like having an Asian Mother. In an article written by an asian mom, about asian moms, she said kids hate doing stuff (like playing the violin) in the beginning because they suck at it. It's when you get good that it's enjoyable. You just have to push them to that point, and then hopefully they stop hating you.
In that respect Mountain Man is totally my Asian Mom, because now I'm soaring down black diamonds on the snowboard I've had for 7 years but didn't start using until last November, and loving it to the point where I'm getting dragged off the mountain.
To get to my point, I don't totally agree with the author on how great it was the Billy Joel didn't want his wife to change on his account, because sometimes you need that little boost to find something kick ass. Thank you Ex Boy Thing Asian Mom.