Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Butt Plug is the answer

For weeks now, government and oil company have been trying to figure out how to stop the massive amounts of oil from leaking all over the gulf.

Today, Mary Mishek and I have discovered the answer.

Get Taboo Taboo in Chicago to create the biggest butt plug ever- neon of course, because it has to be pretty.

This will do several things:

1) Most importantly, stop the oil from flowing
2) Create a new Guinness Book world record
3) Bring gays and straights together in a great alliance
4) Decorate the sea floor

"I think this is the MAIN reason why god invented the butt plug. He knew that BP would FUCK it up and he wanted everyone to come together and celebrate the butt plug for saving the world"
- mary mishek

When I win the lottery, I'm building a spite house.

I don't know who I plan on spiting, but I think it will add meaning to my life, and will give me a chuckle as I die.

Until I get bundles of money, I will have to settle for a spite fence, which isn't nearly as cool.

If you would like to visit a spite house, they are abundant on the east coast.

Definition (Wiki): A spite house is a building constructed or modified to irritate neighbors or other parties with land stakes. Spite houses often serve as obstructions, blocking out light or access to neighboring buildings, or as flamboyant symbols of defiance. Because long-term occupation is at best a secondary consideration, spite houses frequently sport strange and impractical structures.

Spite houses are much rarer than spite fences. This is partially attributable to the fact that modern building codes often prevent the construction of houses likely to impinge on neighbors' views or privacy.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Warning: A tad inappropriate.

Today I had a conversation with a friend, which evolved into me singing this impromptu song in public:

Yes my balls hang low,
they wobble too and froe,
I can tie them in a knot,
is it gay to tie them in a bow?

I can throw them over my shoulder,
Look for them if you're in Boulder.

Yes my balls! Hang! Low!