When the Rapture hits, are you going to heaven? Well your dog isn't. He's staying with me!

On Saturday May 21st the world is supposed to be Rapturized. I'm fairly confident since I'm not a christian I'll be one of those left behind to suffer, throw a giant "I survived the Rapture" party and loot all the departed wealthy Christians homes (They don't need it anymore, and my TV is from 2003. It takes 2 Mr. Unvierses to carry.)

Oh, and by the way, I'm taking your dog- because your dog can't come with you. Neither can your newt, your cat, your goldfish or 10 foot boa.

In all seriousness though, I neither want to, nor can, take all your pets. I don't really care about rabbits or guinea pigs or ugly dogs. I would say Chinchilla as well, however a pair of my friends own one, and I know they won't be going anywhere, we'll still be here drinking whatever fine wine we can gather from you rapturized suckers.

If you DO care about your pet, have no fear, I have just the answer for you.


But, again, seriously- when the rapture doesn't happen, we should be able to cut these fools off. One guy has made several of these predictions, and we should be able to laugh them off the planet and make sure they know they're idiots.

We can do it with giant stickers on their billboards, like this!


That's just my suggestion.