There are no words

A copywriter @ CP+B has this up on her website- it's a real picture she took in a bowling alley. I can't stop laughing.

For once, I agree with Jesus

Thanks Katie

Fruit-Salad-Play-Doh

YES! So I was talking to Mr. Hauser of the wining dining and lying blog aka law school food guy and for his fantastical four course meal on saturday we're going to be having fruit salad play doh as a course.

I can already see this evening may rival the 6-course evening with wine connoisseur John from Cuvee Cellars, after all, I am bringing him monogramed napkins courtesy of my mother.

Anyway, you'll be able to mix and roll your own fruit salad play doh. I plan on making mine into abstract, exotic, or erotic shapes. It'll be made from (we think) pureed juices, sugar, and butter- but we'll see how this all turns out.

I do all my skinny dipping in Florida

For some reason, I have never done it anywhere else, but every time I go to Florida, it ends up happening.

But on to the trip. About a week ago, an old friend of mine said he'd be returning from Iraq where he's a contract fireman, and asked if I'd drive home with him... from Florida. He'd left his car in Panama City- so I got on a plane at 7am friday morning. We chilled on the beach, I explored the bar scene, went for a little dip, and by 11am the next day we were on the road running from russians to Alabama (long story... no worries, we're safe until she finds out where we live).

At one point, we all ended up naked in the pool. You would think this was the exciting part, but it wasn't, just a bunch of fools seeing how long they could hold their breath for.

However, when it was time to get out my friend and another guy were still in the pool, naked, hanging on to the ledge trying to poop in the pool. My friend was unsuccessful, and began to climb out when something caught his eye. The other fellow HAD been successful, and low and behold there was a giant deuce floating in the pool.

Upon arriving to Alabama I was introduced to a special driving-home tradition. Buying 15 McChickens from McDonalds. We pulled up to the drive through, ordered two smoothies and 15 McChickens. There was a small pause from the other side, while we sat giggling inside the car (its really funny to hear a 25 year old man giggle over McChickens), and again she asked "15 mcchickens" to which we responded yes, and i informed her I had a death wish.

13 hours later in Indiana, we were still eating the McChickens.

If you've never driven through Alabama at the height of summer, it's really beautiful. Ivy grows freely along the highway, taking over trees and rocks. It grows tall and pours off the tree tops. It could easily be very romantic place, and some of them looked like giraffes. There were giraffes in Panama City, but Nick didn't take me to the Zoo, which was sad.

A few days later I received a drunken phone call from Nick. He was at his mom's house getting some late night snacks. I could hear rustling, and I'll be damned if he wasn't eating 3 day old McChickens that had been sitting in the hot unairconditioned car for several hours.

Cat on a leash

Oh yes I did. Mr. The BRR Vonegut Urgo now has a skull and cross bones leash and collar. Now we can sit on the back porch without worrying his fate will be death by car while chasing squirrel. Although, my friend's dog once hung itself from his leash out a window... so lets hope that doesn't happen.

A Butt Plug is the answer

For weeks now, government and oil company have been trying to figure out how to stop the massive amounts of oil from leaking all over the gulf.

Today, Mary Mishek and I have discovered the answer.

Get Taboo Taboo in Chicago to create the biggest butt plug ever- neon of course, because it has to be pretty.

This will do several things:

1) Most importantly, stop the oil from flowing
2) Create a new Guinness Book world record
3) Bring gays and straights together in a great alliance
4) Decorate the sea floor



"I think this is the MAIN reason why god invented the butt plug. He knew that BP would FUCK it up and he wanted everyone to come together and celebrate the butt plug for saving the world"
- mary mishek

When I win the lottery, I'm building a spite house.

I don't know who I plan on spiting, but I think it will add meaning to my life, and will give me a chuckle as I die.

Until I get bundles of money, I will have to settle for a spite fence, which isn't nearly as cool.

If you would like to visit a spite house, they are abundant on the east coast.

Definition (Wiki): A spite house is a building constructed or modified to irritate neighbors or other parties with land stakes. Spite houses often serve as obstructions, blocking out light or access to neighboring buildings, or as flamboyant symbols of defiance. Because long-term occupation is at best a secondary consideration, spite houses frequently sport strange and impractical structures.

Spite houses are much rarer than spite fences. This is partially attributable to the fact that modern building codes often prevent the construction of houses likely to impinge on neighbors' views or privacy.